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Naked
and Nonchalant
Like other girls, I grew up with the notion that I was not
supposed to show the world parts of my body not covered by proper clothing, so I was
uneasy wearing a swimsuit, except under water. When I went swimming, I behaved as if my body were a
source of shame.
The same thing happened every time. My girlfriends and I would
change and wrap ourselves with big towels. Then we would congregate by the
locker room door and wait for each other to work up enough courage to walk out. We walked briskly in a
group with our heads down. Naughty boys by the pool would always spot us from afar. Some would swim closer to the pool
side where we had to pass to get to the shallow end. They would stare at our legs and whistle.
When we came to the pool end, we would quickly unwrap ourselves,
throw the towels on the rack, and jump into the water as fast as we could. It
was always a nerve-wracking experience as we scrambled with each other to protect our bodies from the
world's eyes.
One time, I slipped just before I had a chance to plunge into
the water. Falling hard on my rear end and my left elbow, I sat moaning on the cement
floor at the edge of the pool. All of a sudden, the whole pool turned its attention to me. Boys
pointed at me, laughing and whistling. My girlfriends, who were already in the pool, shouted, "Quick, quick, come down!"
They could not come up to help me otherwise their bodies would be exposed just like mine.
I plunged quickly into the pool and swam away as fast as I
could despite the pain. All of my girlfriends swam behind me, for they too felt my shame. I
did not go swimming for a few weeks after that, fearing that people who were at the pool would
still remember the sight of my body.
My feelings about my body began to change for the first time
in another locker room -- this time in Canada during my first few weeks at university.
I was inside the Physical Education Building looking for the
entrance to the swimming pool. A passerby told me to look for the sign "Women's
Locker Room". I found it and I pushed the wooden door. It was a small room surrounded by lockers with
long wooden benches in the center. There was nobody there. I opened up a locker and put my bag inside. As I removed my shoes,
someone walked past me.
It was a Canadian woman with long, blonde hair. She was completely
naked. "Hi!" She smiled as she opened up a locker.
I returned the greeting, feeling very
embarrassed from the sight of her nakedness. She opened a bottle of lotion and casually
massaged it onto her body as if she were just putting a ribbon into her hair.
"May I help you?" she asked, aware of my bewildered look.
"Ah... can you show me where the changing room is?"
"Any where you like! Most folks don't like this room because
it's small and dark. If you turn around the corner there, you'll come to a bigger locker
room." She pointed to her right as she continued to spread lotion over her breasts, right in
front of me.
I mumbled my thanks, bewildered by her openness. I didn't dare
to look at the lower part of her body. I took my bag out of the locker quickly and
walked to the other locker room, thinking that I would escape.
I was wrong.
There were naked women of all sizes, shapes and colors! They
were standing, sitting, walking around or lying down. They were completely at ease
with their nakedness as if they were at a tea party. Some were blow-drying their hair, some were
painting their nails, some were changing their clothes, and others were chatting.
I was dazzled. I stood rooted to the ground, not knowing what
to do next.
"Are you alright?" It was
the blonde woman from the other locker room.
"Ya..." I mumbled, face flushed.
"Aren't you going to change?"
"Can you tell me where I can change?"
"Anywhere!" she said as she looked at me curiously.
"Ah... I'm not used to changing in front of others. Are there
any toilets here?"
"The toilets are over there." She pointed at a door at the
corner. "You can change anywhere you like, you know?"
"Well, I'm not used to this. In my country, we change our
clothes in the toilets."
"Really?" She looked at me, then looked around us. Eyes
gleaming with interest, she said, "This is Canada, we're used to this!"
"Changing clothes is a private thing in my country."
"Why? We are all women! We have the same things! We should be
proud of our bodies. There's nothing to hide from each other!" Her breasts
bounced as she laughed.
I cringed. I had never had such a close view of another woman's
breasts before besides my own. They seemed to be so different and so overwhelming.
The surprises didn't stop. One of the biggest shocks in my
life came several weeks later when I went into the sauna. I was wrapped in a big towel
besides wearing my swim suit. As soon as my eyes got used to the dim light in the sauna room,
my heart began to pound loudly and my face flushed.
There were five other women in the room, all completely naked.
One sat massaging her body slowly, pinching and rubbing like she was making
bread. Two were softly talking to each other, sitting with their legs up on the bench. I could see contours
of what I wasn't supposed to see very clearly. Another huge woman sat with her legs stretched straight out on the bench
and her hands supporting her from the back. Eyes closed and face tilted upwards, her total nakedness did not seem to constrain her
from enjoying herself. The last woman was wiping sweat from her bottom with a towel.
No one paid any attention to me as I sat my under-five-foot-tall
body down on the bench nearest to the door. I looked uncomfortably around me as
I tried to relax.
The huge woman stood up. She must have been nearly six feet tall.
She went to the heater and poured some water onto the rocks. Then she walked
to the door. She accidentally dropped her towel.
She bent to pick it up. Her big, round, pale rump was right in front of
my face. I had a close-up of a biological panorama that I never dreamt I would
see.
"Yaaaah!" I screamed in my mind.
But that scream woke me up, and I began to view my own body
differently after that.
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